Watching George Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair give a joint press conference is as embarrassing to watch as it is seeing a really fat person and a really skinny person trying to put on same-sized pairs of small pants. Blair's reassuring command of the English language and his eloquent defense of the situation in Iraq and the NATO position on foreign training of Iraqi security is a striking contrast to Bush’s unique (read:awful) speaking skills (Bush’s joint conference with French President Chirac was just as embarrassing, and the two didn’t even speak the same language!).

This ad hominem attack on Bush is rather irrelevant when it comes to the real issues that people are worried about, but it still is somewhat telling about Bush’s (as well as Rumsfeld’s and Wolfowitz’s) inept handle on the assuredly underestimated complexity of post-war Iraq.

Bush and Kerry campaigners will be rolling out all of their stops for the undecided bloc of voters, especially in swing states like Ohio and Missouri (in Massachusetts we never have to worry about anything as disastrous as carrying the Republican nominee, having been the only state to have rejected Richard Nixon). Staffers treat this group of voters as royalty, stopping short of, as one pundit says, “mowing their lawns and washing their dishes.”

My question is, where the hell do all these undecideds come from? It is fairly hard to have respect for someone who claims to know little to nothing about the presidential race. “It’s not that important to me.” Oh really? At least Republicans for Bush, as misguided they are in their ideology, realize the importance of the citizen in the running of this country. Do you receive a paycheck from an employer? Do you have college loans? Do you know someone in the army? Of course it is important to you.

A town in New York is offering free beer to people over the age of 21 who register to vote. Is this what it has come down to?

When John Kerry is elected the 44th President of the United States (“God told me not to vote for Bush”), you may see a young college student drooling over dream appointments: Dick Gephardt as Labor Secretary, Governor Tom Vilsack as Interior Secretary, Howard Dean for something or other, and maybe even John McCain as Secretary of Defense. You may even see a certain former president appointed to the Supreme Court (the Supreme Court doesn’t appoint itself). Oh, and I’ll give you a hint: it’s not Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, a dead Ronald Reagan, or a Bush.

After the initial bliss of a perfect government, however, John Kerry may find himself in the infuriating quandary of what we should do in Iraq. I envision John emerging from his inauguration, stepping into the White House (“Thanks George, I’ll take it from here”), and inheriting the worst disaster since J-Lo’s latest marriage (zing!). Despite John’s hastily reapplied reassurances of a viable exit strategy in Iraq, W.’s abysmal planning for the post-war era may just as well be unsolvable.

At the risk of betraying my loyalty to Kerry, I can’t help pondering the possibility of a re-elected Bush screwing up his second term so badly as to shoo-in a second Clinton in 2008 (hint: not Chelsea).