When John Kerry is elected the 44th President of the United States (“God told me not to vote for Bush”), you may see a young college student drooling over dream appointments: Dick Gephardt as Labor Secretary, Governor Tom Vilsack as Interior Secretary, Howard Dean for something or other, and maybe even John McCain as Secretary of Defense. You may even see a certain former president appointed to the Supreme Court (the Supreme Court doesn’t appoint itself). Oh, and I’ll give you a hint: it’s not Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, a dead Ronald Reagan, or a Bush.

After the initial bliss of a perfect government, however, John Kerry may find himself in the infuriating quandary of what we should do in Iraq. I envision John emerging from his inauguration, stepping into the White House (“Thanks George, I’ll take it from here”), and inheriting the worst disaster since J-Lo’s latest marriage (zing!). Despite John’s hastily reapplied reassurances of a viable exit strategy in Iraq, W.’s abysmal planning for the post-war era may just as well be unsolvable.

At the risk of betraying my loyalty to Kerry, I can’t help pondering the possibility of a re-elected Bush screwing up his second term so badly as to shoo-in a second Clinton in 2008 (hint: not Chelsea).